It’s So Hard
I don’t know why it is so hard for me to get started with these posts. I think it’s because I know I could never catch you up all the way. And even if I did, there’s so many things I can’t say publicly, well not yet at least.
I have so many thoughts swirling in my head, so many things I want to say, and so many stories I want to share, yet nothing wants to come out.
Why? I’m scared.
What I can’t tell you
I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to be boring. I don’t want to waste my time (or yours). I don’t want to leave out all the good parts just because telling you would seriously put me in a tough position. I can’t tell you about the accidental illegal things I did, not yet anyway. It’s too soon and I could still get in trouble. I can’t tell you about the things I “got” for free because, well I want to keep it that way. I can’t tell you about some of the people I met (and the crazy stories that go along with them) because there’s a good chance I might see them again and I doubt they want their business plastered all over the internet. Plus, I like them as friends and some of the things I have to say are questionable to say the least. And my opinion of those things, that’s even more questionable. I can’t tell you about all the awkward situations I’ve gotten myself into, the random people I’ve met (especially the ones I’ve avoided), and the nights that didn’t necessarily go according to plan (if you know what I mean). I can’t tell you yet. It’s too soon and the stories are too fresh. I’ve got to let the dust settle before I stir things up again.
But don’t worry, I’ve been journaling it all. I won’t forget it. And when I write that book (which I’ve promised way too many of you that I would), I’ll tell you then and it’ll be epic. I promise.
What I can tell you
What I can tell you is everything else. I can tell you all the insane adventures, the horrible decisions, and the real story behind the scenes of every perfectly filtered Instagram photo. What I can tell you is all the stuff you want to hear that’ll make my life seem a little less glamorous and hopefully a lot more interesting.
The journey from hell
I can tell you about the 23 hour journey from Koh Tao (Thailand) to Langkawi (Malaysia). I can tell you that the taxi driver forgot to pick me up and I almost missed the boat. I can tell you about the horrible night ferry where I slept on the floor sandwiched between two sweaty strangers in a space that was even too small for me. I can tell you about the no a/c, the fans that barely worked, and the lack of sheets on the beds. I can tell you about the toilet that had no paper and no handle to flush. I can tell you that there was a thunderstorm during the night, the seas were very choppy, and the cabin was so humid it looked like that car scene out of Titanic. I can tell you that I wore those dirty clothes from the boat for 3 days straight. Yes, 3 days (and they were already dirty to begin with). I can tell you that I wore them during the day on Thursday, to dinner Thursday evening, out partying Thursday night, as pajamas Thursday after I locked myself of my room and almost slept on a bench, as clothes all day Friday while I nursed a hangover in bed, as pajamas Friday night on the ferry, all day Saturday as I traveled in the insane heat for 16 hours via mini van, ferry, and taxi all the way to Malaysia, and then upon arriving at my hostel at 8:30pm, I can tell you that I was too tired to shower and change so I wore them Saturday night for dinner and drinks as well. I finally changed in the early hours Sunday morning. Gross.
I can tell you all that kind of stuff.
A glimpse of real life
I can tell you that I arrived in *paradise* 2 days ago and I have yet to venture out of my hostel, other than for food of course. I can tell you that I’m trapped in the pouring rain right now. This is paradise my friends… and its raining…
I can tell you that I cried a little yesterday because I missed my mom on Mother’s Day, she really is a great mom. I can tell you that I miss a lot of things. I also missed the cute guy on Tinder who happens to be one island behind me every step of the way. Bummer. I can tell you that I’ve actually never met anyone from Tinder becauseI’m far too scared lol.
I can tell you that I officially have no place to sleep tomorrow night, as all the rooms at my hostel are booked. I can tell you that I have no idea where I’ll get my next vaccine, as I’m due for another (ever since that horrible monkey bite incident in December). I can tell you that I hurt my ribs/back so badly and I have no idea how to fix it, sometimes I can barely get out of bed without wincing in pain. I can also tell you that I’ve got a limp, for months now, and I have no idea why.
I can tell you all that stuff that you don’t see in the pictures, the things that actually matter to me and truly impact my day-to-day life.
I still think that stuff is interesting. I hope you do too.
Where am I?
I’m in Langkawi, Malaysia. Get out the map people because I know my mom is right now. See China? Thailand’s under it. Keep going South and you’ll hit Malaysia (the peninsula part at least). Langkawi is an island off the northwest coast of Malaysia. Do you see it? That’s where I am and it’s pouring rain in this tropical paradise. I might have to cross this place off the list if I don’t actually get to see it before I leave. I can’t say I’ve been to a place if I never left the hostel, right?
I have no idea what I’m doing here
I have no idea what I’m doing in Malaysia. I’ve got no plans. I was just in Thailand for the last month exploring the islands and my visa was about to expire so I had to leave. I wanted to stay but I knew I’d spend too much money, as the islands aren’t really that cheap. Also, I had a package that I wanted my mom to send and I asked her to send it to Malaysia as an added incentive for me to get out of Thailand. I really didn’t want to leave though. It took everything in my power to leave and I know I’ll be back…
I already miss Thailand
This last month has been a whirlwind of amazement. Things are finally starting to click. Kinda scary that I’ve been gone nearly 9 months and things are just now starting to fall into place but whatever. I’ll get you caught up as much as I can and then you’re off on the adventure with me.
Sound good? Deal!